"...it's like Will Rogers, Jean Shepherd and some grumpy Jewish man all rolled into one."

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Eddy Blizzard

As I'm typing this, we've still got a few hours to go before the snow and winds start to taper off and the historic winter storm named "Nemo" moves away from my perch in Cambridge, MA and out over the Atlantic. While final totals have yet to be established, it seems certain we'll end up with more than two feet of snow in many areas.

Two feet! That's more snow than some people see in an entire lifetime. For those of you who can't imagine what that's like, here are some analogies to help you picture it:
  • Imagine a foot of snow -- and then another foot of snow on top of it. That's two feet!
  • If you bought two Subway $5 footlong subs and stacked them upright end to end, most of the fillings would immediately fall out and you'd have quite a mess on your hands. Why would you waste food like that? People are starving in Africa.
  • Picture four feet of snow; two feet is half as much.
  • Imagine lying on your back with your arms pointing toward the sky. I'm imagining it, and you look pretty silly.
  • Try stacking the subs again but this time no onions, please.
  • With snow falling at a rate as fast as 4 inches per hour, you would tire of the non-stop weather updates on TV within 20 minutes.
And let's not forget the impact of wind during this event. Winds in some sections of eastern Massachusetts and the Cape are gusting as high as 84 miles per hour. How fast and intense is an 84 mph wind gust?
  • That's faster than any Yugo built could ever go, even down a steep grade with the pedal to the floor and a semi crowding your rear-view mirror.
  • That's more intense than the scene in "Silence of the Lambs" where the two cops bring Dr. Lecter his extra-rare lamb chops and they end up eviscerated. I'm talking about the cops here; I don't think Lecter touches his dinner. Why would he waste food like that? People are starving in Africa.
  • If you want to know what the sting of heavy, wet snow blowing into your face at 84 mph feels like -- stand in front of me and I'll slap you as hard as I can with my wet hand. Now let me do that again. OK, one more time. Oh, stop crying you big baby! You said you wanted to know what it felt like.
Well, let me turn my attention back to the TV -- they're showing the fleet of snowplows required to remove the phalanx of hyper-animated field reporters cluttering the roadways. I hope some of these analogies helped you to understand the impact of this storm and brought a simile to your face. Does it still hurt? Here, put some snow on it...

No comments:

Post a Comment