"...it's like Will Rogers, Jean Shepherd and some grumpy Jewish man all rolled into one."

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Give Them The Business

CFO asks CEO: "What happens if we invest in developing our people and then they leave us?"
CEO replies: "What happens if we don't and they stay? We'll have saved a sh¡t-ton on CAPEX, right?"

I greet the janitor the same way I greet the CEO. Eyes averted, head down.

Always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your customers. Pick their pockets and wait for the next bunch of suckers to come along.

Wherever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision. A decision to insist a spouse sign a pre-nup.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. By that definition, junkies practice excellence.

Business is a combination of war and sport. Sometimes you bomb, and other times you strike out.

Don't pick a job -- pick a boss. Your first boss is the biggest factor in your career success. A boss who doesn't trust you won't give you opportunities to grow. Of course, when I asked my first boss, "How do I know I can trust you?" he fired me on the spot.

Hire character. Train skill. Pay as little as possible.

Your time is precious, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Get someone else to live your life for you and provide a summary of the highlights.

Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from. That’s the strongest argument against marriage equality I can come up with.

Price is what you pay. Value is what you get. No returns; store credit only.

The best way to predict your future is to create it. I predict you'll be walking to work tomorrow, so please hand me the keys to your car without any further struggle.

Profit in business comes from repeat customers, customers that boast about your project or service, and that bring friends with them. That’s why prostitution continues to be a cash cow.
The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit for doing them. BTW -- you don’t mind I’m taking credit for saying this, do you?

Stop chasing the money and start chasing the passion. Of course, the passion will eventually fade and you'll be left broken and destitute while someone else gets all the money, but it's a rush while it lasts.
If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse. If you're not sure, you’ll find a job in customer service.

There is a powerful driving force inside every human being that, once unleashed, can make any vision, dream, or desire a reality. It's known as "larceny".

Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. So there’s really no point in asking what you think.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. If you can count my money, there’s an opportunity awaiting you as a cashier.

A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what was expected. A person who feels under-appreciated will always seek a move to another department and the cycle of disappointment starts all over again.

Only those who are asleep make no mistakes. That’s a persuasive reason to turn off the alarm and not go into work today.

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