"...it's like Will Rogers, Jean Shepherd and some grumpy Jewish man all rolled into one."

Tuesday, September 15, 2015


"If you take care of your people your people will take care of your customers and your business will take care of itself."
  • That's why we're laying off all our back office staff.

"The remarkable thing is, we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day."
  • For the foreseeable future I'll choose to embrace a negative attitude.

"It's easier to do a job right than explain why you didn't."
  • But the lady at the unemployment office isn't really interested in your explanation.

"There's a way to do it better. Find it."
  • While you're doing that, I'll be sitting back and letting my business take care of itself.

"If everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow."
  • Like, I just learned what the "subjunctive mood" is!

"Believe you can and you're halfway there."
  • Believe you can't and you can skip the trip altogether.

"Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star."
  • NASA vehemently disagrees.

"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."
  • 3:30 already? Bye -- see you tomorrow!

"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others."
  • I was motivated to beat others and HR said I had to attend an anger management seminar, which I have no desire to.

"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground."
  • But maybe first move out from the middle of the sidewalk.

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."
  • That's why, despite the publisher's urging, there was no Moby Dick 2: Ahab's Back!

"Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
  • But it's better to start the stroll with a fat wallet, no?

"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough."
  • For example, Trump's lead in the polls.

"Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone."
  • Guess I better put on another pot of coffee.

"A real entrepreneur is somebody who has no safety net underneath them."
  • Killer idea: personal safety nets!

"The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors."
  • Who does that leave to listen to, exactly? 

"You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction."
  • You've got to go to bed with Cialis if you've going to get it up every morning.

"Fortune sides with him who dares."
  • I dare whoever came alongside me and stole my fortune to give it back.

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