"...it's like Will Rogers, Jean Shepherd and some grumpy Jewish man all rolled into one."

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Bad Sports

“Average players want to be left alone. Good players want to be coached. Great players want to be told the truth.” -- Doc Rivers
  • The truth is -- you suck.

“It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up.” -- Vince Lombardi
  • And also whether you file a complaint with OSHA.

"A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be." -- Wayne Gretzky
  • Where the puck were you yesterday?

"If you have everything under control, you're not moving fast enough." -- Mario Andretti
  • This explains our CEO's chaotic leadership style.

"Age is no barrier. It's a limitation you put on your mind." -- Jackie Joyner-Kersee
  • Then why do job applications want to know what year I graduated from college?

"It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe." -- Muhammad Ali
  • Nevertheless, our dress code still prohibits flip-flops.

“You can’t put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get.” -- Michael Phelps
  • But fall asleep just once during a presentation to upper management and next thing you know you’re out on your keister.

“Persistence can change failure into extraordinary achievement.” -- Matt Biondi
  • It can also lead to a sexual harassment claim.

“It’s not the will to win that matters—everyone has that. It’s the will to prepare to win that matters.” -- Paul “Bear” Bryant
  • It also matters that you prepare your will before you “leave the field”.

“What to do with a mistake: recognize it, admit it, learn from it, forget it.” -- Dean Smith
  • Of course, I’m referring to my own mistakes here – one more screw up from you and you’re out on your keister.

“I've learned that something constructive comes from every defeat.” -- Tom Landry
  • A pity our shareholders don’t feel the same way.

"Make sure your worst enemy doesn't live between your own two ears." -- Laird Hamilton
  • Perhaps you should try using Head & Shoulders.

“It ain't over till it's over.” – Yogi Berra
  • Oh, it’s over – pick up your packet from HR on the way out.

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