"...it's like Will Rogers, Jean Shepherd and some grumpy Jewish man all rolled into one."

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

10 Reasons Not To Own Cats

  1. They like to share their food -- about 30 minutes after the digestive process has gotten underway.
  2. They shed hair that finds its way into folded clothes underneath other folded clothes inside a chest of drawers behind closet doors. In other people's houses.
  3. They like to keep you company, even when you are sleeping. Sometimes they offer you a "snack" in the middle of the night.
  4. They lick and kiss and caress you right up until the moment they sink their needle-sharp claws deep into your soft, supple skin.
  5. When company comes to call, they make a bee-line for the lap of the person who is most allergic to them.
  6. They have boundary issues -- primarily with the sides of the litter pan, at which they aim their pee just slightly above.
  7. When you get up from your favorite chair or spot on the couch, even for just a moment, you'll find them fast asleep in that very spot upon your return. When you try to reclaim it, they'll sink their needle-sharp claws deep into your soft, supple skin.
  8. When they're not eating, they're thinking about eating and letting you know how hungry they are.
  9. Whoever said "let sleeping dogs lie" obviously never owned a cat. Claws, skin, etc.
  10. The difference between "kittens" and "cats" is like the difference between Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap and Lindsay Lohan in Liz & Dick.

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