"...it's like Will Rogers, Jean Shepherd and some grumpy Jewish man all rolled into one."

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Off the rack or Why the dishwasher isn't emptied

You asked me what I had to do that was so important I couldn't empty the dishwasher. Here is that list:
Finish the taxes. They're due the day after... Dammit! Doesn't anyone ever change the wall calendar at the end of the month?
Head over to the hardware store and pick up the box of screws I need to reattach the ceiling fan to the fixture. You told me if you tripped over that fan on the carpet one more time you didn't know WHAT you would do. I, however, have a pretty good idea. Yes, I know the exact size I need... yay-long (hold up thumb and forefinger to illustrate).
Trim the hedges before it's necessary to rent a bucket lift.
Check the rodent traps in the crawlspace under the house. Which I will do as soon as I can find my boots, coveralls, leather gloves and safety goggles. Do you have a hairnet I can borrow? Never mind, I'll use your shower cap.
Get my Kickstarter campaign going. No, I think there are plenty of people who would be willing to purchase a mattress with a built-in disposable sheet dispenser.
Change the oil in your car. Oh, wait -- we're still using the ramps until I fix the front steps.
Download that app you said uses games to improve memory. What's it called again? And have you seen my phone?
Change the batteries in the smoke detectors. If you weren't always after me to do one damn thing after another around here, I would have changed them months ago and now we wouldn't have those scorch marks on the kitchen ceiling, would we?
Repaint the kitchen ceiling.
Pick up the two quarts of native strawberries you asked me to get for that pie you're planning to take over to our neighbor who is recuperating from her hospital stay. Oh, I'm sorry... when was the funeral?
Continue training for the 10k that's coming up in another few... Dammit! Doesn't anyone ever change the wall calendar at the end of the month?
Backup all our files to that new external hard drive our son gave us last Christmas. I'll take care of it as soon as I can figure out why the computer display isn't coming on.
Remember to tell you the dishwasher is broken.

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